I wanna Shoop, Baby
by The StoryFictionteller
Summary: No explanation needed. Deadpool growing up in a different world. Similar way. But a danger to all. Especially the ladies. Warning :Hide your mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, cousins, nieces, female friends, girlfriend and you if you're a female. Deadpool is here.


_**"Serious voice in Deadpool's head"**_

(Deadpool's other head voice)

'Other people's and Deadpool's normal thoughts'

"Speech"

(this fat ho) - your mom.

 **STOP IT. I AM THE AUTHOR. MEEEEEE!!!**

 **4 years after the Kyuubi attack on some non-important to the plot village... Wait it is important to the plot... Dammit I messed up... This is turning out to be like my life...**

It was a dark night that enveloped Konohagakure, The Village Hidden in the Leaves. The village, home to many famous and powerful shinobi, was a safe haven, a place nestled deep in all of their hearts. The civilians included. It was a peaceful night, with only the yellow sources of light sprinkled across the village, that were the hardworking residents of Konoha, working even at this time of the night. The yellow lights gave a yellow, gradient shade to a small portion of the black with a tinge of navy blue sky. It was beautiful. However, our story lies down here. In the Wirusan compound, a normal shinobi clan.

"AAHHH, Otou-san, please stop!"

"Shut up, you fucking delinquent! Times may have gone soft, but I am going to teach you how to be a proper shinobi"

You could see a man here, who looked like a retired shinobi, wearing a white tank top and black loose pants, with a beer belly, and said beer in one hand. The other hand, had a metal whip, which had foldable metal. It could be used for deadly purposes, whipping for activities such as... _Torture_.

The man had blonde, military cut hair, with blue eyes, seemingly glazed over, but filled with anger, only complimenting the sneer and light stubble on his face. His eyes, seemed to look at a young boy, the target of all the anger.

The boy seemed to be four years old, with blonde, spiky hair and blue eyes. He had bruises and cuts, which obviously were from the metal whip, all over his person. His lip was cut and bleeding heavily. His left eye was blackened. His eyes, moist with tears, holding all those tears in, so that his father wouldn't notice. Because a proper shinobi doesn't cry. His clothes, a red, full sleeved T-shirt and grey pants, were terribly torn, with bruises and flesh wounds showing through those torn areas. His body, on the floor, lying on his left side, his right leg bent in front to protect himself, along with his hands positioned in front of him, protecting his small and fragile physique as much as he could.

He really didn't know, why this happened. His father, Birisu Wirusan, an honorably discharged shinobi, was always beating him up, calling his choice of friends to be of a delinquent, and always beating him, to instill the lifestyle of a shinobi into him. He tried everything he could, but it didn't work. Itachi Uchiha, a ten year old, was said to be a prodigy. His father wanted the boy to be like Itachi. How can he? He is from the prestigious Uchiha clan, with his fabled sharingan, proper training and... _a happy family_.

To top it off, his mother never said anything. She never even talked to him much. She would walk by, as if nothing was happening and scream his father's name in the night, when he heard his parents alone in their room, along with the sound of flesh flapping and rhythmic creaking of what he guessed to be the bed. They did this every night and even in the day, his mother always seemed desperate for it. She either did that, or went to spend time with her friends, always walking out with money from his father. His friends, who his father hated, were all dropouts from the academy. They explained about sex and how it is. The thing his mother and father did. They even handed him a book. It was named Icha Icha Paradise. It was orange, with a man and woman running and... _Smiling_.

Why couldn't his family smile like that together? He was interrupted from his thoughts, when his left wrist, protecting his face, stung with pain. His skin opened up again, crimson liquid dropping from his new wound, threatening to drop on his face.

He heard his mother come back. She opened the door to the room where he was being beaten up in. She didn't even spare him a glance, walking up to his father, hugging his father's arm, clinging on to him... _Like the bitch she is_.

She whispered something into his father's ears, which made his father lose his sneer, his mouth started grinning lecherously. He pulled up his loose pants up to his waist, and looked at his son.

"Get out of my sight, brat"

The boy, thankful, it was over for today, picked himself up, almost failing to. But he couldn't let his father see him like that. He stumbled out of the room, dragging his now limp left leg. Smearing blood across the mat, he hurried out of the room. He held onto the doorframe for support. He suddenly didn't feel so well. It was getting really dizzy. He felt like puking. And puke he did. And it's the last thing he remembered before fainting.

Later...

"He has... 36 tumors... He won't survive... About a year left, if lucky"

The boy, Wurade, waking up, saw a medic nin. She looked at the boy with a blank look. She was like a statue. No emotions, nothing. His father, looked stiff, unreadable at the moment. His mother, her head resting onto his father's shoulder was looking at Wurade, her eyes red, filled with... _Concern_?

"However, we have an alternative. It is not official and under the... Radar, so to say. He might or might not be saved. But in return, we will be taking him. Into a special program. A shinobi program. You most probably will never see him again" the medic finished, in her bland, stone cold voice.

"Do it. Just make sure the brat lives" his father replied, guilt in his eyes could be seen. His mother started weeping on his father's shoulders. Then his world started to fade out again. That was the last time he remembers seeing his parents.

 **2 years later...**

The memories flashed in his head. The Deadpool, Root, his training, his skin blistering, Old senile one eyed man, and the white skinned, long haired pedophile.

He now was invincible, so to say. Guess that just adds to his super sexiness. After Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage (Oh my god, Ho!) rescued him, he was the perfect age and for his own mental health (pfft as if, he is completely fine, right?)

 _ **"You should learn to shut up"**_

(Your mom should learn to shut up)

 _ **"How does that make sense, we're the same person"**_

(Umm... YOUR MOM)

'Eh, lets just hope there is some hot, big titty teacher there'

(Yeah boi, thats the spirit)

 _ **"Ahem... I actually wouldn't mind that"**_

As he was being escorted to the academy, his costume in place, the person escorting him couldn't be more annoyed. You see, its because...

"Shirone ends up banging all those men, the book ending with a huge gangbang. All the Ewagakure Shinobi are satisfied and leave Kuronagakure alone"

Spoiling his Icha Icha for him.

"What is that mask for? Is there a napkin with chloroform on the go for, you know, _Action time with the ladies_ "

Asking about his mask.

"What's with the one eye get up? Did your girlfriend's pubic hair get hit on your eye again?"

He wasn't going to even question that one. But, Kakashi was already annoyed.

"So, seeing how white your hair is, you must be as senile as the hokage old dude, no? Or are you just Cable, who is even more senile?" the boy chattered along. He just wouldn't shut up. Even Gai is more tolerable, with his 'youth' and 'eternal rivalry'.

"No, it's a natural hair color. Whose Cable?"

(Say it's his mom)

 _ **"Do you even think of a proper insult?"**_

But before that could be answered, they reached the open classroom door. A dark skinned... No wait, its more of a tan...man with a ponytail and a scar across the bridge of his nose, smiled when he spotted them.

"Okay class, we have a new student, please welc-"

"WHATS UP FUCKERS?!?!"

 **Phew. Its a try. I tried Deadpool style humor. I didn't mention all the things in between for later mentioning and plot. Also I am lazy. But also for plot twists. Coz bitches love plot twists. And no, you fucking asshole, I am not talking about women. Disrespectful idiot. I meant female dogs. Because I like dogs. Do tell me how it is please. I am open to all suggestions.**

(Like his mom is with dicks)

 **OH SHUT THE FUCK UP.**


End file.
